Author: karen

I was reading this article that was posted on Facebook a few weeks back.  It really hit home.  My eldest son has found entertainment in his mini iPad along with my youngest.  At first,  he was only allowed to take it out on weekends Saturday and Sunday’s.   During our vacation he had access to it during the flight.  But as our vacation progressed I noticed both my sons were heading to their iPads as soon as they woke up to play the FIFA WORLD CUP GAME!

Even though it allowed me an extra few hours of sleep it really started to bother me.  Especially when my parents were dubbing it as as “ADDICITION” .  So I share with you the letter I read to my sons.  Did it impact them?  Let’s just say they haven’t picked up their iPads for over a week now and are spending more time outdoors playing soccer!

Enjoy friends

KJ xo

THIS IS NOT WRITTEN BY ME ITS A REPOST

A Letter To My Boys (The Real Reason I Say No To Electronics) – Repost
Posted by Renee in Letter To My Sons, Most Popular, Uncategorized | 629 comments

05 | 27 | 14
I originally posted this letter to my boys in January 2014. Within the first 7 days, this post was viewed 70,000 times. I received comments and emails that left me in tears. So many of us share these feelings and this letter gave voice to what you held in your heart. I am reposting today because as we head into summer, it’s easy to slip into patterns of excessive screen time. I want to remind us that our time is short with our children. Let’s make memories. Let’s claim this time. Original post and comments can be found here.
Important note before you read – If you plan to skim this, please don’t bother to read it. You will miss the point completely. I do not fear technology. My children have access to devices and technology. I’m not setting them up for failure in society. They know how to use computers, phones, and video games. We give limits and train them to exhibit self-control. I welcome all comments, but if you plan to comment in a negative or nasty way, it will be discarded. Thank you and blessings!
Boys back
Dear Boys,
Do you remember the day we went to the drugstore and the lady said, “Wow, you are the first kids I’ve seen all day with nothing in your hands.” Remember how she marveled at how you didn’t need an electronic device to carry through the store? I know how her words made you feel. I know how it reminded you that you are different because your mom limits your electronic usage. I know it was yet another reminder.
The same reminder you receive when we are out to eat and you notice all the kids playing their phones and iPads instead of talking to their parents. I know it was a reminder of all the sporting events where you feel you are the only kids whose parents are making them cheer on their siblings rather than burying themselves in a phone. I know it was another reminder to you that you feel different in this electronic age we live in.
Well, boys, it’s not you. It’s me. Me being selfish maybe. You see I can’t bear to miss a moment with you. Let me explain.
I want to talk to you when we are out to eat. I want to listen to your questions. I want to have training opportunities. I want to allow space for conversation that can take us deeper. And if you are always distracted with electronics, well… I might miss those moments.
I could give you all the statistics about how damaging it is to your development, your attention span, your ability to learn. While all of those are valid reasons to keep electronics away, that is not my primary reason why I say no to you so much. It’s more than that. Much more. I need you to understand this.
When we are together, I want all of you. The fullness of you. I want to experience you. Truly experience you. And I can’t do that with you when there is an electronic device between us. You see it acts as a barrier. I want to see what brings life to those eyes. I want to watch the wonder and magic dance across your face as you discover the wonders of this world. I want to watch you as you figure things out. I want to watch you process life, develop your thoughts. I want to know you. I want to know your passions. I want to watch you as you discover your God-given talents and gifts. And when you hide behind a screen, I miss out on all of that. And my time with you….well it will be over in the blink of an eye.
I want to guide you into an understanding of life and who you are. Boys, kids today are starved for attention, true connection and relationship. I don’t want you to feel starved. That is why I say no. I know that feeding the desire to play in your device is like giving you candy. It satisfies for a moment but provides no long term nutrition. It does more harm than good.
I don’t want to look back when I’m out of the trenches of child training and regret a second I had with you. I don’t want to merely survive. I want to thrive in this life with you. We are in it together. We are a family.
Yes, when we are waiting at a doctor’s office for an hour, it would be eaiser to quiet you with my phone. But if I did that, I fear I would send you a message that says I’d rather hush you than hear those precious words falling from your lips.
I can’t bear the thought of allowing you to miss out on the wonders and mysteries of this world. When you are transfixed on a screen, the beauty of this world will be lost to you. In every moment beauty is waiting to be discovered. I don’t want you to miss it.
I want you to be comfortable with yourself. I want you not to feel a constant need to be entertained and distracted. If you stay behind a screen, you never have to experience just being you, alone with your thoughts. I want you to learn to think, to ponder life, to make discoveries, to create. You have been gifted by God in unique ways. I want those to bloom. They can’t bloom in the glow of a screen. They need life, real life, to bring them to light.
I want you to be confident in who you are. I want you to be able to look people in the eyes and speak life into them. If I allow you to live behind a screen, you get little practice relating eye to eye. To truly know someone you have to look into their eyes. It’s a window into their heart. You see what can’t be seen in cyberspace.
When I tell you no to devices, I’m giving you a gift. And I’m giving me a gift. It’s a gift of relationship. True human connection. It’s precious and a treasure. And you mean so much to me that I don’t want to miss a second of it.
I love how God created your mind. I love to hear the way you think and process life. I love to see what makes you laugh. I love to watch those eyes widen when a new discovery is made. And when your head is behind a screen, I miss all of that. And so do you.
In this life we have few cheerleaders. In this family we will cheer each other on. I know it is boring to sit at swim lessons and watch your brother learn to swim. I know it is boring to sit through a 2 hour baseball practice. And in all honesty, it would be easy for me to give you the iPad and keep you quiet and occupied. But we all lose out when we do that. You will miss out on watching your brother’s new accomplishments. You will deprive him of the joy of his moment to shine for you. You will miss out on what it means to encourage each other.
I want you to grow up knowing the world doesn’t revolve around you. (One day your wife will thank me) I want you to learn to give selflessly of yourself….to give away your time, your talents, your treasures. If I distract you with electronics when you should be cheering for your brother, well, I’m simply telling you that your happiness is more important than giving your time to someone other than yourself.
This world needs more selflessness. This world needs more connection. This world needs more love. We can’t learn these behind a screen.
I want to raise sons that know how to look deeply into the eyes of the ones they love. I want my future daughters in law to know what it’s like to have a husband that looks deeply into her eyes because he knows the value of human relationships and the treasure of love. And that is best communicated eye to eye.
I want to watch your face illuminated by the majesty of life – not the glow of a screen. I want all of you. Because I only have you for a short while. When you pack up and leave for college, I want to look back with no regrets over the time I spent with you. I want to look back and remember how your eyes sparkled when we talked. I want to look back and remember how I actually knew those little quirky details of your life because we had time enough to be bored together.
It’s ok to be bored. We can be bored together. And we can discover new things together.
I love you. I love you too much to quiet you with an iPhone or an iPad or a DS. And I can’t even apologize, because I’m really not sorry. I’m doing this so that I won’t be sorry one day.
With all my love,
Mom

A friend of mine invited me to her book launch a few weeks back. She had written a book on Child rearing. Being a parent myself I was intrigued to find out the category my parenting style fell under.

Dr. Shimi Kang knows of what she speaks she is a mom of three kids. Married to a wonderful and supportive man.   She juggles schedules and activities just like you and I. Dr Kang went to medical school at the age of 19 and completed her research fellowship at HARVARD.   Dr Kang’s childhood was very different then that of her kids today.  She was never enrolled in any extra activities outside school.   She has accomplished quite a bit you would certainly say.   Take a look at her bio below.

Dr. Shimi Kang

Dr Shimi Kang’s Official Press Bio 

“Dr. Shimi Kang is an award-winning, Harvard-trained doctor, researcher, media expert, and lecturer on human motivation. She is the Medical Director for Child and Youth Mental Health for Vancouver community, a Clinical Associate Professor at the University of British Columbia, and the founder of the Provincial Youth Concurrent Disorders Program at BC Children’s Hospital. She has helped hundreds of children, adolescents, and parents move toward positive behaviours and better health. In 2012, Dr Kang received the Queen Elizabeth II Diamond Jubilee Medal for outstanding community service.”

So what type of parent are you?

Do you know?

Maybe you are a combination?

Here are Dr. Kang’s three categories of parenting style:

1. The Tiger Approach  The Tiger parent as authoritarian parenting approach originally common in major Asian countries, but now adapted in the West. With modern-day pressures and expectations, children are failing rather then flourishing under this parenting style. This form of parenting results in a hard worker, highly disciplined and high IQ individual who lacks communication skills, empathy and ability to stray from book smarts. Control is never given to their kids.  Essentially, these tiger cubs are not ready to survive the pressures and unpredictability of the 21 century.

2. Jellyfish Approach  is a form of permissive parenting. These parents tend to avoid confrontation and have few to no rules. They fail to develop expectation in respecting authority, social etiquette and personal values. Too much control is given to kids before they are ready. As a result, children of jellyfish parenting tend to float around aimlessly. They lack self control, have low self-esteem, low confidence and low competence.

3. Dolphin Approach is a ‘balanced approach based on bonding, role modelling, and firmly guiding children towards a balanced way of life leading to internal drive for health, happiness, and success’. This form of parenting encourages your child to strive for success, a solid, meaningful relationship with their parents, enjoy the journey that life offers them, and respect authority,while maintaining a balance in body, mind and soul. Rules are created, problem solving skills are encouraged and the child is provided with an environment to which they feel safe and secure, but able to make their own decisions. They are responsible for their reactions and encouraged to see it as a learning experience rather then a fault.

If you are interested in reading more about your parenting style,  you can follow the link below to Dr Kang’s website.

DR KANG’S OFFICIAL WEBSITE TO PURCHASE THE BOOK:  http://drshimikang.com

So it turns out I am parenting THE DOLPHIN WAY WITH A TOUCH OF TIGER MOM!  oh what a surprise!

Congrats Shimi!

Hugs kJ

LETS TALK TRAVEL

Needless to say this winter has been pretty harsh, with record breaking cold temperatures, an ice storm and we can’t forget all that snow.   So I am not surprised that many of us are heading down south or to some other tropical paradise to seek some much needed warmth.

I’ve been calling Miami, Florida our vacation home for the past two years. My family purchased a property there in 2011 shortly after my youngest son was born.   To tell you the truth I had no desire to purchase anything permanent in Florida.   I had not visited Florida since 1999 during my first wedding anniversary, returning after 15 years was a shock to the system. I didn’t realize how family friendly it had become.

The short 3.5 hour flight sealed the deal especially since my folks love cruising and usually depart out of Miami. So now it is our go to destination with the boys.

My boys love travelling and getting out. Miami offered quite a bit for the kids too. Here are a few suggestions.

The Miami Children museum (located on Biscayne Blvd) is a great place to spend the day or a few hours with the kids. Great Interactive exhibits, arts and crafts for the kids and preteens to participate in.   There is an onsite food lounge too.

Next up The Miami Seaquarium it a 38-acre ocean aquarium located on the island of Virginia Key in Biscayne Bay, Miami-Dade County, Florida. It is located near downtown Miami. Founded in 1955, it is the oldest ocean aquarium in the United States. (15min ride from the Children’s Museum)

There are many wonderful animal attractions to enjoy.

South Beach is my next stop, I usually hit the beach at Ocean and 5^th. There is a parking lot across the street. Great parking.   Then we usually grab a picnic lunch of kebabs and wraps from a great restaurant called “ Freshi”.   Chairs on the bench rent for $10.00 each. These spots are not associated with any hotels. However, if you are looking to quench your thirst with an alcoholic beverage or two there are servers available. They also have a menu for food but I found it very pricey. There are   tons of kids shovels and pails available at no charge for the kids to build their sandcastles or bury their dads.

There is also a grocery store called “ PLUBIX” where you can pick up some fruits and drinks as well. Its like are big grocery chains.

As far as dining goes kids are welcome everywhere.   P.F. Changs near the Sawgrass Mills Outlet Mall. Try any of the restaurants on the South Beach strip on Ocean Drive.   The cuisine is usually Italian food. My boys love the South Beach strip for dinner for people watching and checking out the muscle cars on display. “ LIME” is a Mexican chain that is fabulous.

Feeling the HEAT, check out a basketball game at the American Airlines Building with the MIAMI HEAT!

To wind down the day take an evening boat cruise and tour the fabulous waterways featuring some incredible water front properties.

Other destinations I have travelled with kids are St. Maarten we stayed at the Princess Heights Hotellocated on Oyster Pond Road #156 | Dawn Beach,

St Maarten-St Martin. Its sits hillside above the Hilton hotel . www.princessheights.com

Great amenities. Groceries can be preordered to your suite.

Turks and Caicos was also another favourite destination for us when I was about 4 months pregnant with my youngest .

We stayed at the Seven Stars Resort Grace Bay Rd, Turks and Caicos Islands

Phone:+1 649-941-7777.www.sevenstarsgracebay.com

Great amenities once again, the grocery store was literally across the street and the beach was private and perfect.

Even though we did visit The BEACHES RESORT in Turks and Caicos I realized it wasn’t’ for us. Very noisy and expensive considering what you had for food and amenities.

So as you can see its easy to still travel and soak up the sun with kids. We just do it a little differently now.

Its all good, safe travels

KJ